We’re not having any more kids and I want the world to know

We’re not having any more kids and I want the world to know

We’ve got two boys. ”Have another one” they said. “Your son needs a friend” they said. “Two kids is even more difficult than one kid” said no-one ever before we had our second kid. Anyway, I’m over that. I’m over how difficult this is. Infact, I’m embracing it, and I’m enjoying every minute. I’m writing this article for a very specific reason though. I’ll explain why, shortly. This I can say for sure, and we are one hundred percentage sure. We’re not having any more kids and I want the world to know!

As you may know, there is a huge age gap between our kids. So we probably didn’t have to cope with some of the many challenges that families with smaller age gaps have. But we did and still do, have many challenges. It is no walk in the park. Doing any activities with Liam is a struggle, unless Cole is asleep or preoccupied with something that has really captured his attention. If Liam and I are doing homework, or a project and even just playing a game of cards, Cole goes nuts. Any one on one time with Liam is difficult to get to. Unless we include Cole, which is not always possible. If we can’t include him, he literally tears everything apart and screams and throws a tantrum, and makes it impossible for us to work together.

We constantly have to make sure we giving both of our children the right amount of attention. When one kid is older and more independent, but the other isn’t, the older kid can easily translate your care giving and support to the less independent child as being one sided. So we constantly need to remind him that it is not. However, kids don’t necessarily go with what you tell them, rather, what they see us doing. So we have to back up our words with our actions.

 

We're not having any more kids and I want the world to know | South African Mom Blog

 

Having our second child was life changing

Having a baby after 7 years was like an electric shock to my body. I knew what I was in for in terms of caring for a new baby again, but it felt harder. It still does. Furthermore, my kids are not at all the same. So I am learning to cope with new challenges each day. For instance, my eldest has never thrown a tantrum in a shop. Ok maybe my memory has failed me a little. But if it were anything bad, I would surely have remembered it. In a mall maybe, just because he needed something, like food or sleep etc. But never for the sweets in the isle or the toys or just anything really. Whereas Cole, phew, he is wild. If he sees something he wants, there is no stopping him. He will do whatever he needs to do to get it. Even if it means screaming, and throwing himself and crying himself into a frenzy.

I will never give in though. If you read my article about why I am ok when my child throws a tantrum, you will know understand my stance on this. I also believe that perseverance is key and I don’t think he will be throwing tantrums forever. So he will continue to throw his tantrums for however long he needs to, in order to get through this phase of his life, and I will just continue being the stern parent that he needs right now.

 

Why we won’t be having any more kids

It is costly. Nappies alone are about R180 per pack, and we use 2-3 a month. Medical aid costs over R2k. Having a helper. I can’t cope with housework and work full time, so having a helper is essential in our lives. School fees, school uniforms. School lunches, entertainment, clothing. The list goes on and on. Furthermore, I don’t have the physical capacity to care for more than the two kids I already have. It is already difficult to see to their every need. And I must admit, there is a thing or two that will always be neglected, or perhaps not receive the attention it requires, and I am ok with that, I am not perfect and I’m not going to pretend I’m a super woman, cause I’m not. I am just doing the best I can.

We also feel it would be unfair to both Liam and Cole, if we had to have another baby. We want to be able to give our boys all the attention and caring that they need. Adding another child to the equation, will make this a little impossible for the moment. And before you tell me that many other families have managed just fine, we have thought about that. But our conclusion is always the same, we are happy with the two we have so why complicate if we are already satisfied.

 

 

Why I want the world to know

They grow up so quickly don’t they? At the blink of an eye, they go from being super duper cute and cuddly, to all grown up and handsome. And the next thing you start wondering when will he be too big for cuddles. When it comes to my kids, I’m very affectionate. I passionately believe in co-sleeping, skin to skin, baby wearing and giving all the love I can. But soon, I won’t be doing any of this. And it bothers me. Because I never want to reach that stage. And this situation can easily turn on me. It can make me broody. Just the thought of it makes me broody.

Cole is a toddler now. He was just a newborn the other day, literally the other day. I vividly remember breastfeeding and all the pain that went with it. And being awake all night to feed.  Breastfeeding didn’t work out for us unfortunately. That is a topic for another article though. I will get to it some day. But my point is, the days are long but the years are so short. Just like that they grow up and they are not babies anymore.

 

We're not having any more kids and I want the world to know | South African Mom Blog

 

As chaotic as life is in raising a toddler and a preteen, it is the sweetest chaos ever. I wouldn’t have it any other way. And when the storm has passed by, I’m going to look for it again. I’m going to reminisce and long to hold one of my own babies again. I was made for this. I’m one of those mothering moms. Raising and caring my kids is everything to me. So the closer we get to the less dependent stage, the more broody I get.

And when that day arrives, I want the world to remind me that I have had my chance, and that I should hold onto the memories I have. I want the world to remind me that my life is fulfilled, even though I already know it is. I want the world to remind me, that the love I have, and the love I am giving, is more than enough for me. Enough for us. And that we have the rest of our lives ahead of us to make new memories.

 

Disclaimer: This is strictly my opinion. This might not work for your family.

 

Tata for now

Tracy xx

 

 



3 thoughts on “We’re not having any more kids and I want the world to know”

  • I totally relate, and mine are only 3 1/2 and 1. If things were different and these little people weren’t so costly I’d definitely try one last time for my little girl 😋. My luck though would probably see me with another boy, and more madness added to the equation lol. I’m still broody though, but I think it’s more to do with the fact that my 2nd is so much easier than my 1st was, sleeping wise, feeding wise, personality wise, temprement etc.
    For now though, 2 toddles are enough for me and my sanity lol.

    • Oh dear, its the broody thing that makes us have more kids haha! Ohhh you’re such a lucky fish! Mine was the opposite – my first was super easy but my youngest is just on another level of difficult. But you know the saying, “this too shall pass”.

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