What are the most common characteristics you look for in yourself or in any other mom, as an indication that you/they are winning as a mom? Uhm, perfect make-up, always dressed on point, always on time, always packing in the coolest lunches for the kids, your kids homework is always done. Or may you’ve signed and returned every school letter in time, your petrol tank is always above the midway mark, you are always happy and in a wonderful mood? No. This was what I thought all along though. Until I realized and (finally) accepted that I could never be all of this. At least not all at the same time. I can certainly strive for it, because hey, who ever didn’t feel good when achieving any of this? This is what made me realize that it’s not wins that show I’m winning as a mom. It is fails. So I decided to jot down ten fails that show I’m winning as a mom.
Out of curiosity, do you/are you, as a mom: always on time? Never late for any meeting? Always pack in lunch for yourself and family? Always wake up on time? Always have a fully charged phone? Always have your child complete their homework? Always respond to school letters/tasks on time? Always have enough nappies? Always changed a nappy on time? Always see to all your childs needs? Always on top of everything that you need to do as a mom? Basically what I am asking is, are any of you a perfect mother? . . . . . #motherhoodunplugged #mothersunited #unitedinmotherhood #workhard #hardworkingmom #modernmom #momonamission #mommyingishard #strongmama #alwaysbekind #dayinthelife
So despite what may be a common approach, which is to achieve all of these things together, at the same time, and always, I beg to differ. I’ve recently changed my approach, my mind set and my perspective. Instead of looking at what I’ve put out, I’ve started looking at the effect it’s had on ME, from what I’ve put out.
I used to think that a winning mom ticks all the boxes that I listed in the first paragraph. That you could tell by someones appearance whether they’ve ‘got it all together’. Or that if you’re on time for every single thing, it means you’re just so on top of things. That if you can prepare a meatless Monday meal every single Monday, feed your kids MSG free food every single day, plus prepare an amazing breakfast each morning, you can pretty much call yourself a winning mom!? But I guess that is what we are all kinda fooled into believing.
Ten fails that show I’m winning as a mom
1. I am always tired
No I don’t get enough sleep, but that is not what keeps me feeling tired. It is being in a constant state of over thinking, worrying, working, doing. Theres always a nappy to change, homework to sign, food to dish up, a mess to clean up, a last minute errant to run. There is never a moment that either one of my children are not going through my mind. A moment where I am not thinking, “Ok what must I do next.”
2. My hair sometimes goes unwashed for over a week
And by sometimes, I kinda mean most of the time. If you follow my Instagram feed, you will see that alot of the time my hair is in a ‘bolla’ or messy bun. This kinda hairstyle, actually has an official name. It’s called, The Mom Bun! I wear a mom bun, because there are more important heads to be washed in my life. Because there is always something more important and more urgent than doing my hair. And also because when that rare moment of arises where I can actually do my hair, I’d much rather relax and do nothing at all.
3. I often go without make up and a creased blouse
Because who wears ironed clothes nowadays anyway? I mean, we’re wearing ripped jeans, so why does my blouse have to be ironed? Everyday, I plan to iron my clothes and put on some make up. And I’m not talking about flawless, make-up artist kind of look. I’m talking about a basic make-up look. A skincare routine, primer, foundation/bb cream, mascara and a little bit of lippie. Again, I’d much rather enjoy that 10 ten minutes sipping on a cup of coffee. Or I might just be running around checking to see that I signed off homework and that I’ve given my eldest son his lunch for the day.
4. My wardrobe is not highly fashionable
Seriously, there is SO much more joy, walking out of a shop with a whole lot of kids clothing, than something for me. Even through online shopping. I initially start of with searching for something pretty for myself. But I always end off in the kids section.
5. I’m hardly ever on time
I do try, I promise. Infact, I make a concerted effort. But there is always something. Like Cole making a poo in his nappy just before I have walk out the door.
6. I sometimes drive with my petrol warning light on
and say to myself “I got this, just one more errant and I will fill up.” Thankfully, I’ve never been cut off.
7. My kid has written tests that he didn’t study for
Because I only saw after finishing all his homework, that he is writing a test the next day. This usually happens around 21h00. Just after feeling all the feels of accomplishment. You know that amazing feeling when you’ve just gotten through all the homework with your child in an enjoyable way. And then only to realize you didn’t get through the study material. Bleh! Obviously I cannot keep him awake any longer, he must get a full nights rest.
8. I don’t have many friends
Because between work and home life, how am I supposed to maintain a friendship? I can count on my hands the number of friends I have. And I am fortunate enough to have friends who understand that life happens and that it is not always possible to get together. And yes it is because they too are busy moms like me. But when we do get together, it’s as if we just saw each other yesterday.
9. My car hasn’t been washed in weeks, and the inside is a complete mess
Have you seen my car? It looks like we’ve been on an off-roading adventure of note. And with the amount of eco car wash places around, I can no longer use the excuse that we’re going through a drought in Cape Town. I’m a seriously busy mom. There is just no time. One week after school started this year and I was already feeling wrecked. As soon as I get home, it’s straight to the kitchen to cook, or straight to the room to do homework and catch up. And in between seeing to Cole and making sure he is ok. Nipping his toddler tantrums, making sure the kids are bathed and have put on their lotion. Usually by 9pm I can sit down on the couch and relax. I am not about to go clean the car then. No. Neither am I about to wash and style my hair. No.
10. Through all of this, I am thankful for everything (my family) that I have
I feel accomplished. I feel happy that I have my kids in my life. As tough as this mom-life is, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I will do it again tomorrow.
Tata for now